Lessons Learned...

WARNING: JOURNAL ENTRY Jerry and I got married in January 2005. I was a mere 18 1/2 years old. (like how I throw in that 1/2 year for extra measure?)

We didn't plan on having kids for about a year because really, we were young and wanted to get a bit more established. To make a long story short, I got of BC because it was messing my body up. We decided that it didn't matter if we had kids right away and that we were ready for it. In the back of my mind I expected us to get pregnant right away because EVERYONE else in my family gets pregnant in a snap. It didn't happen for a year. Which is exactly when we planned to start our family anyways but since we weren't doing anything to prevent it, I wanted it to happen much sooner than it did. That was a long year, but one I am grateful for. It gave Jerry and I a chance to just be a couple. Our own little family. It taught me patience and that Heavenly Father does know what is best for us.

Kaysen was born in October 2006 and we planned to start trying right when he turned one, just incase it took a while to get pregnant again. However, that year old birthday of his came around and it just didn't feel right. A few months later though, it did feel like the right time and one month later we found out we were already expecting our 2nd child. That was a surprise. I was preparing myself for a little bit of dissapointment in the next few months but that never happened. This time I learned that I needed to listen to the spirit and it would guide me to what was the right thing to do for our family.


When Gage hit the one year old mark Jerry and I decided that our hands were much to full for the present moment and that we weren't quite ready to expand our family. You see, having a 3 year old and a 1 year old can be quite hectic and I was ready for my life to slow down just a bit, for just a little time. So many people told me that the 3rd child was their hardest beacause they were outnumbered. They could only hold onto 2 kids at one time. Needless to say, I was very nervous to move onto number 3, even though I knew one day I would do it. I just wasn't ready yet.

Then Gage hit the 2 year mark and we felt like it was time to expand our little family. Once again, a month later we found out we were expecting our 3rd child and were due in June 2011. Then in late October we found out that we had sadly lost that child. This time I was taught that even when we do listen to the spirit, the outcome may not be what we expect and that Heavenly Father does still know what is best for us. I know that Jerry and I will have the chance to raise that baby in the eternities because we are sealed for time and all eternity to that child, along with any others we have. That baby fulfilled its mission in life and in the couple months that it was creating a body, I learned lessons I will never forget. Maybe that was part of its mission...to teach me. Amazing how as a Mother I learn my greatest lessons in life by the simple things my children do.

We were told to wait a few months before we should start trying so my body could heal. We waited the exact amount of months we were told ( I was impatient and wanting a baby badly) and the next month we found out we were expecting our 4th child. Then a few weeks later we found out that we were actually expecting 2 children. This experience so far has taught me once again that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and he has much more trust in us than we have in ourselves. I'm absolutely scared to death to have twins. I know it will be much harder than just having one at a time. Yet, I know it will be so rewarding. I'm terrified that my two boys will feel lost. Thier world is about to be turned upside down and I want them to know that I sitll have time for them. Even when I may not feel like I have much time. I feel like my patience is tried enough as it is. Adding two more kids at once can only make my patience run thinner right? I guess that is what I get for praying for patience. Heavenly Father is bound to teach me to get it somehow. I'm terrified to have 4 kids with the oldest turning 5 around the time that our twins are born. I'm only going to be 25 years old with 4 kids. To me this just sounds crazy. Jerry and I always planned on having 4 kids and being done. But I can honestly say, (and yes I even think it is crazy) that we are not done yet. Sometimes 5 feels like our lucky number, but I'll be honest when I say that I'm trying not to even think that far ahead yet. I just have to focus on the present and take it a day at a time, if I do much more than that I go crazy.

I am a planner. And I have come to realize that the plans I have almost never turn out like I planed. However, so far they are much better than I could have ever planned. Even on the hard days. Thank goodness for a Heavenly Father who does know and want what is best for us. I don't know where I'd be without Him and don't want to imagine it either.