Trial...

I've been putting off blogging about "my trial" for a long time simply because it is something I don't really like to talk about.

However, I've read so many blogs (many just today) that have spoke of the same thing and have told how much it has helped them. (Plus, so many blogs only show the good times in our life which can make all of our lives seem unreal in a way.)

So here it goes...

One mother of 5 has an acronym for it...I.W.A.N.

It means...I Want A Newborn.

Yep. That's right.

I want a newborn.

I've wanted one for nearly a year now.

For a few months I was even getting my wish but that changed instantly.

Many of you probably wonder why it's such a big deal for me to want another one when I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old to keep me busy.

All I can say is that my heart aches for one. To hold one all nestled up on my shoulder. To wake up for night time feedings (yes, those are even missed) and to bathe them in that wonderful Johnson & Johnson scent.

I know someday I'll have another one. But I'm sure not a patient person so this "someday" sure feels like forever.

I remember a time when I had been waiting for a year to have a newborn and then I was finally blessed with our first son. Then I worried it would take that long to have our next child so I was ready to start trying fairly soon. We got pregnant immediately. So I guess I was just naive this time and thought it would happen quickly again and instead put it off a while because 2 kids is quite a handful.

And really they are a handful. I'm potty training one, who just so happens to have an outrageous fever today. And the other one is learning how to talk back like crazy but he has also started saying, "I love you Mom" without me having to say, "I love you" first. It makes me melt every time.

And ass I'm sitting on my couch typing up this post, both of my boys are asleep. One on my shoulder and the other on my lap. (which causes for some very uncomfortable typing)I look down and see their enormous bodies (not really, but I can remember a time when they were small...well Kaysen at least. Gage was never that small but he was still my baby). Right now I absolutely love both of the stages my boys are in. Kaysen and I play so many fun games like Bingo and Memory together and Gage is my little lover who always cuddles. Yet, seeing these bodies just makes me yearn for a little one even more.

So until then...I.W.A.N (sorry Shawni for stealing your acronym if you see this :) )